I am sorry in advance but I have to be frank with you. You need to let go! And the earlier you do, the easier it is and the better. Why do you constantly put yourself in situations that make you feel this way? if I didn’t know you any better I would have said you loved the attention and pity party it brings from the external and yourself (internal). Has cowardice suddenly become your last name? I have never known you to be a coward, why stand on the line? Nothing is grey girl (well… Apart from the colour), talk less of 50 Shades, it’s either black or white! Stop sitting on the fence make a decision and face the consequences!
Let go of those people who bring the negative vibes, as for kalistus and kabuki I will address their case in my letter. Look, you need to let go and let God, stop sacrificing your happiness for people who obviously don’t care (maybe they unobviously do). You need to sharp up girl, read the handwriting on the wall don’t wait for it be spelt out to you, but make sure you are sure of what you are reading. About not knowing yourself anymore? I think you have lost your identity in trying to blend, bend, melt and play small or big to fit in, please take a break rediscover yourself! In you lies immeasurable strength, to achieve whatever (I really do mean whatever) you have set your mind to do; remember the mind is the seat of your emotions, Please don’t let anyone mess with your mind and never settle for a mirage life is based on principles and not assumptions. You are still young, take advantage of this period and start fulfilling those great dreams you spoke to me about 2 years ago, take baby steps and do not be afraid to fail, it is tiny drops of water that makes an overflowing river. Before I forget, surround yourself with the People who bring FRESH energy, people who can boost your morale when you lack confidence. I trust you are still working on your self esteem you would need it. Phebe, please do not be afraid to walk away from anything preventing you from soaring, DO NOT CONFORM TO PRESSURE, Dare to soar girl! You would do the world no good by playing mediocre. I look foward to seeing you and aquila soon, tell him I would reply his letter soonest. Please do not forget all we have discussed in this letter, although it is disjointed, I want you to pick the bits and make it into your own beautiful epistle. I will write to you more often.